I’ve been throwing this idea around to a select few of my close friends for the last few months, and considering I might be quitting my job in T – 4.5 seconds, I figure it’s time to start some *new* business over here.
Let me preface this by saying that I have not completely fleshed this out on paper or figured out any logistics. It’s only an idea. And I realize I may sound like I’m completely batshitcrazy with this, but so far only one person has honestly told me that this is a bad idea, and his reasons for saying it was a bad idea were NOT legitimate. So I refuse to give up the idea until someone gives me a damn good reason not to do it. And even then I might just say FUCK YOU and do it anyway. Because it’s MY idea and I want YOU to help and I don’t care if people think we can’t do it because WE CAN.
So there’s that.
There’s also the fact that so many of us are broke and are seriously considering whoring ourselves out for money. When I say ‘whoring ourselves out’ I don’t just mean trading sex for Benjamins. I also mean doing things that we are way too smart and overqualified for. Things that we don’t believe in or even HATE. Things that we do because of the stupid economy or the quarter-life-what-the-hell-does-my-life-even-MEAN-crisis or because our parents told us to do them. Figuring out who I am and what I want and where I want to be would be so much easier if I didn’t have to worry so much about paying rent and bills and feeding my alcoholism. I would have so much more time to worry about important things if I had the money to just. get. by. So here it is. The best business ever:
Strippers For Africa - A classy, clean strip club dedicated to the betterment of beautiful, unique, intelligent women (and men) who care about the betterment of society (and who like to dance naked, because who DOESN’T like to dance naked?). We will train and beautify a select group of young people who need the fun and the cash without the shame of your trashy neighborhood strip joint. We only dance for guests who are respectful to us, we only drink cocktails that are made especially for us, and we only allow the hottest dancers and personal trainers to teach us. We make lots of money because we’re so sexy and talented, and we donate a portion to charity. The charity changes on a daily or weekly basis. It doesn’t necessarily have to be in Africa (so the name should probably be changed). We dance for what we believe in.
It would be really awesome if we had male strippers too. So there’s something for everyone. And no one gets left out. And we could all do jello shots together and make out on stage. I like making out. Don’t you?? Not to mention we’d be in AMAZING shape from all the pole dancing and high-heel wearing. Well, the guys wouldn’t be wearing high heels. But, well, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
So, I obviously think this is awesome because it’s MY idea, but what do you think? Would you be more likely to come to a strip club if you knew it was for a good cause? Would you be more willing to take your clothes off in front of strangers if you knew you could help rebuild Haiti or feed a starving child?
And how many sexy bloggers would it take for you to give us money to start up? I happen to know that the fabulous Liz is already on board, as are Nicole, Jamie, and Lilu (right ladies? RIGHT???).*
So? Totally fucking nutso? Or best idea ever?
*I am in no way exploiting my girls here without their consent… or am I… I just think they’re super fucking sexy and would be AWESOME at this. Just sayin’.
Listening to: Spoon – Who Makes Your Money
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Can I just be the Madam? My dance moves are so white it’s painful.
Of COURSE. We’ll need a Madam. You can keep us all pretty. Maybe you can be the gatekeeper too. But we’d have a big black bouncer too in case someone tries to pick you up and take you home with them.
I think it’s an awesome fucking idea. if I were in better shape, I would totes tell you to add me to the stripper list. but instead, I’ll just frequent the establishment and get lap dances for a good cause!
I give lap dances for Haiti.
I’m a giver.
Mandee – WE’LL GET YOUR ASS IN SHAPE! No experience necessary
Miss Lizzy – It’s always best to be a giver and a lover than a taker and a hater. We could even make a coalition of strippers and all band together for the cause! It will be revolutionary. And everyone will want to date us. But only the guys who can handle us being strippers will ACTUALLY date us, and those are the best kind because they don’t get intimidated by strong independent women. So there. Wins all around!
Would you consider a UK branch?
Despite my drunken exploits, I know I’m not hot enough to be a male stripper. In a few months, maybe. But in the meantime, if you’re looking for bartenders and/or bouncers (I am a big black guy, or so the mirror tells me) I am totally in.
I love it! It’s like “We Are The World”…but with titties!
I mean, I won’t strip (just not hot enough) but I’m all for it. When are we going to start this?
Considering I dropped $220 at a strip club ten days ago, I can testify to the money-making potential of this enterprise.
Fuckin great idea if you ask me
I AM SO ON BOARD. This is brilliant. We can TOTALLY expand the target demographic of strip clubs too! To people who are all holier-than-thou but also horny and shit. I can do stripping and marketing for you
jen – HELL YES! Branches all over the world!
Kendall – Why thank you for offering your big blackness AND your bartending abilities. Much appreciated! And it’s confidence more than hotness. At least I think so.
Leon – EVERYTHING is better with titties.
HTG – You can handle business operations. Or something. You can make To Do Lists! Lol.
me. – Well thank god for you. At least now we know SOMEONE will spend money on us. And you better spend more than $220 at our club. Because we’re better.
Extremely Witty – Will you be there spending your cash money bills too? Or will you be stripping with us?
June – Agreed! And yay! You can be on the stripper role call. Now we need to all figure out our stripper names…
Do I know who #10 is? I think I do. And also? STRIP CLUB HELL YES.
It’s me, Nicole. How many me’s can there be in the world?
ps: hi and stuff.
I want my stripper name to be Ivanna Secksyew.
Nicole – Duh, you know who it is. Could he be more obvious?
Mandee – Done. But we were thinking about having our alcohol sponsors as part of our names. Maybe you become Stoli Vanna Secksyew? Ha!
You think the US would give me a work permit to be a stripper? I’m Canadian. Having toyed with the idea of stripping while staying in New Orleans a few years back I really feel like I missed out on something.
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