A wonderful thing finally happened. Just in time for TMI Thursday!
I got an email from a stranger. With REAL questions about my Vixations. And I’m very excited about it. Here’s what he said. We’ll call him Curious Kitten:
I first have to say thank you for allowing us, the reader to view your life as you publicize it, allowing us into that which is sometimes private and not for the world to know about. I like it. I like the anonymous dealings. It’s part voyeur and part exhibitionist. You could be the girl at the coffee shop I saw today, or the one on bus riding to work. You could be someone I know or a complete stranger that may or may not pass me on the street.
I just stumbled on to your blog and after reading the section tabbed “So, Who’s the Whore?” I see part where you invite people to ask you almost anything related to sex, minus of course the relationship or love topics. I respect that, to not talk about those things. Relationships and love are emotional things shared between two people, questions and topics of sex is just that, sex.
So my questions are:
How do you keep your hair down there?
What is your preference and style?
What do you like on him, what do you like on her?
Just wondering is all…something of a curious fantasy that I have about most people…
WELL, Curious Kitten, sorry about the lame nickname, but I think it’s cute. I will take this time to answer your first question. The rest will be answered later. Don’t worry, I promise. And this Ms. Vixen always keeps her promises.
I like your style. I very well COULD be that girl. Or that one. Or even THAT one. But not that one, she’s not hot enough. It’s nice to know that people are wondering about my vagina. I told my vagina you were thinking about her. Her name is Veronica. She says hi.
Now, for the nitty gritty. I’m a pretty hairy girl. My hair down there is more of a fro, less of a bush. I like to braid it sometimes too, and once in a while I put dreads in, depending on who I’m hooking up with. Guys usually like it. I don’t know about you though.
JUST KIDDING. I’m actually not very hairy at all. That would be pretty funny though, right?
You can read a little about My Brazilian here, and know that in GENERAL that’s how I keep it. Lately, however, my broke ass can barely afford to eat, let alone spend between $50 and $80 on a vagina wax. It all started when I made the decision to cut the hair on my actual head instead of waxing, and now it’s been at least 2 months since I’ve waxed. Gross. So last week I resorted to the dreaded shaving of the cooter. It’s all fun and games when you’re actually doing the shaving. It’s the days after that make me regret the decision entirely.
I generally bring a glass of wine into the shower with me to relax, and then begin. Carefully. The balance of drinking enough to relax, but not drinking enough to be drunk and clumsy is a very delicate one. And then I spend the next fifteen minutes running the razor across my vagina until I’m completely shaven, soft, and pretty. For about 12 hours. Then comes the pain. And the pricker bush. Like a man’s beard stubble but WAY WORSE. And then the part where I attempt to exfoliate like no other as often as possible. And then the absolute WORST part where I STILL get a giant disgusting red painful infected ingrown hair. Right there in the middle of my vagina. For everyone to see. No matter how much sweet-talk, moisturizer, or tend-skin I give her. And then? Then I can’t have sex with anyone for at least 4 days unless we’re all black out drunk because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m totally gross even though I TRIED I TRIED AND IT’S NOT MY FAULT IT’S HER FAULT SHE’S PUNISHING ME FOR SHAVING HER!
And then I cry. Because I love her. She’s done me well over the years. And then I apologize for treating her so poorly and I tell her I’ll never never ever put a razor near her again.
Needless to say, I have learned my lesson. Waxing > eating. Veronica wants what she wants.
Got questions? Send them my way at vixations at gmail dot com.
Listening to: Animal Collective – What Would I Want? Sky
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I’m also certain I’m in love with you. I wish I could afford to wax, but alas, I can’t… and so I go through the horrible circle of pain that is shaving. I guess it’s a good thing I’m married, otherwise I would never get laid. it sucks because you HAVE to let it grow out in order to shave it again… unless you want terrible razor burn and ingrown hairs. oy, it’s great being a woman.
“It’s all fun and games when you’re actually doing the shaving.”
IT IS NOT.
See: My TMIT next week.
Hello!
I got here though LiLu’s blog. And now I’m going to have to follow you, you have a lovely engaging writing style!
Anybush, I totally hear you on the waxing, it sucks majorly, but I can’t afford the $$ for waxing either (aside from the whole omg-someone-else-messing-with-my-girly-bits). So instead, I epilate. It’s almost as good as waxing, in that it lasts for ages, and the regrowth is So Much Better. The only thing is having to do it yourself, and be a contortionist.
I also recently discovered BikiniZone. My local pharmacy has a cheaper own brand version, and it works awesomely too. If you’ve gotta shave, do try it, it honestly stops the whole covered-in-unsightly-lumps thing!
That’s funny because I shave my baby parts every day of my life and have been doing it since I was approximately 12 years old . . . damn, that’s a long time.
I for one, have never shaved. I actually regret not shaving if I go more than day. It starts to itch and I feel like I may have infested crabs, but then I think, wait, I haven’t had a one-stand in . . . well, ever? So how would that be possible?
I love your conviction to be so fucking out there and public.
I need a wax like crazy, but with everything that’s been going on, I just haven’t gotten around to it. I hate spending the money, and found a place that does it for $38. Sounds sketchy, right? I might just be desperate enough!
Mandee – Gah, marriage. And womanhood. All the awful. I guess I need to start making more money to get waxed, or find someone to marry me. Thanks for the love, love
LiLu – I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT. Was there wine involved?? I will be checking tomorrow!
Stormsearch – Hi! Glad you found me. And thank you for the kind words and awesome advice! I’ll definitely have to check out those other options. Next time I get paid. Which is hopefully sooner rather than later so I don’t have to make that awful shaving decision ever again!
Tricia – Thank you! Someone’s gotta do it. And WOW I can’t believe you shave every day and don’t have these issues. Maybe that’s how it is though? You either shave every day or don’t shave at all? Not sure if I’m willing to risk trying… but it’s cheaper than the alternative so… I’ll keep you posted.
Her – I’m all about doing things on the cheap, but BE CAREFUL with those really cheap waxing places. I read an article about a girl who got herpes from a waxing salon because they double dipped on everyone before her. Just sayin’. Don’t want you stuck on HDate.com anytime soon…
This is basically the best description of exactly what it’s like to shave your vagina. The aftermath is worse than anything I’ve ever done, ever.
You might do some web research on sugaring (I think that’s what it’s called) .
I started shaving simply out of convenience. It’s quicker and less confrontational than a wax. I also used to have trouble with the next few days of awful, uncomfortable itching, pain, and general unhappiness.
Perfect remedy for wretched shaving aftermath:
rubbing alcohol
baby oil
cotton ball
rub on directly after the shower or bath and voila! no more pain or itching. It’s miraculous, really. I guess I understand aftershave now. For a super close shave, it’s not a bad idea to perform this “aftershave” action after the next couple of showers as well.
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