The Things I Have:

- A ridiculous rainbow emotional and physical hangover that is radiating throughout my entire body and mind.

- Skin that is a couple shades darker than it was last week (FTW!).

- A body that feels like it just ran a marathon, had throat surgery, stomped around on hot pavement for an entire day, and then had sex for 18 hours straight. Except none of that actually happened.

- A newfound appreciation for the Chippendales, all of whom may come grind their gorgeous tight bodies against me ANY TIME.

- A liver that wants to throw me out the window and then run me over with a truck full of sex toys. You know, mocking me for how much abuse I put it through over the last three days.

- Enough amazing stories to write a blog post every day this week (which I might actually do).

- The feeling of utter amazement for the amount of sexy there can be when 69 bloggers come together for a weekend of mayhem.

- Two bottles each of Wild Turkey and Cabo Wabo tequila, and one bottle of wine, because somehow we DIDN’T drink all the alcohol in Vegas and I had room in my car to bring it home. Big wet kisses to our alcohol sponsors!

- The experience of eating the hands down best grilled cheese and tomato soup WITH GOLDFISH of my entire life at Serendipity 3.

- A brand spanking new We Vibe (which is charging in my kitchen right now, not enough outlets in my room, sorry roommates) and a giant black vibrating cock dildo called The Boss Lady. I masturbated almost the second I got home last night. I MEAN AT THIS POINT, best vibrator I’ve used since Jamie’s Ina. Unlimited licks and boob grabs to Toy With Me for sending us five huge boxes of sex toys that were SO heavy we couldn’t even carry them ourselves and had to get a bellboy to bring them up to the room for us and THEN he offered to open them for us and almost INSISTED that he open them for us because he had ‘a box cutter and everything!’ and ohmygod NO bellboy you cannot open this 29 pound box of sex toys for us thankyouverymuch!

- A new contact in my phone called ‘Argyle‘ because I couldn’t remember the stupid guy’s name even though he showed up to hang out with us two nights in a row.

- So much respect and love for everyone who had the balls to wake up, get on a plane/train/car/horse, and come away from their behind-closed-doors blog lives to let loose with so many people they didn’t know. Each and every person I met was so beautiful, so amazing, so open, and willing to let go of all judgment and negativity for the three days we were together. I will cherish every moment we spent getting to know each other for the rest of my life. Even if you have to remind me of some of the details. I definitely drank way too much. Sigh.

- So many more things! So much sad sad sad sad sad sad that I’m not still there. So much anticipation for the day when we can all live together in our own bloggy island together forever and ever. Licks, boob grabs, tequila shots, and I’m going to lie on the floor naked now and read all the #BiSC tweets from the weekend and cry because I’m so depressed that there’s actually nothing in the world that will make me feel better except being back at the pool and/or in the bed with all of you.

Listening to: Katy Perry – Waking Up in Vegas (on unlimited repeat)