The Daddy Cock, and Things That Should Not Be Happening at 9am on a Wednesday

I’m going to start at the end. And end at the very end. And then go back to the middle. Or something like that. The beginning is Vegas. The middle is Boston. The end is my apartment. The amount of debauchery that has gone on across the country is absurd. Am I even allowed to say these things? Is there any way my parents are going to find me over here? If they do, will they officially disown me for what I’m about to say? Please protect me, friends! For the sake of the sex! Thanks.

I lied a little while ago when I said things were over with the roomie. They’re not. They’re just different. Better, in fact. But not perfect, of course. Anywho, he had a friend visiting from out of town. A large hockey player friend (gets me every time). And we had joked about hooking up before he came to visit, but I just assumed that it was all fun and games because what guy wants the girl they’re sleeping with to hook up with their friend? Maybe this is the epitome of a double-standard because I would definitely hook up with a friend of someone I hooked up with (as long as it was way in the past or if he said it was okay), but there is no way any of my friends would get away with sleeping with a guy that I’m sleeping with. I don’t even like hearing about my friends sleeping with my high school boyfriends, let alone someone I am currently sleeping with. Is that weird? A girl thing?? Just me???

The roomie encouraged the hook up when we woke up after the first night of being in town. The roomie was sleeping in my bed, and his friend, we’ll call him Flyguy (he’s a huge Flyers fan), was sleeping in the next room.

‘Flyguy wants you to go get in bed with him,’ the roomie said.

‘No!’ I exclaimed, for three reasons: One, that’s weird. Two, I just met him the day before. Three, I’m not drunk. I’m hungover. And dehydrated. And dead. So, no, I’m not going to go cuddle with some big hairy man who has what they call ‘The Daddy Cock’ of all their friends.

Maybe?

No.

So what happened instead? He came to me. Now, I have no idea what the roomie had told him about me, and I didn’t really know anything about Flyguy either. As far as I knew the kid hated me and had a serious girlfriend. And I’m not here to wreck homes, bitches. On the contrary, he did NOT hate me at all, nor was he in a relationship. And my room was still looking like a dead hooker shit storm, i.e. bottles of tequila, sex toys, underwear, and random electronics everywhere. So he saw the We Vibe that was sitting on my nightstand and picked it up.

‘What the fuck is this?’

Ahhh, Flyguy. Or shall I call you Daddy Cock? Or shall we abbreviate to DC?? Yes, DC, if you could only watch the video review of the We Vibe right now you would truly understand the beauty of this ‘toy,’ otherwise known as the ‘giver of the cumshot.’

First he was using it on me as the three of us chatted, you know, just for fun. Trying out the 8 different settings, putting it in and around different places on my vagina, requesting that my pants and underwear be off so that he could get better leverage, listening to songs like BedRock and OMG, you know, the exact songs that make me want to fuck EVERY TIME.

So yeah, it was about 9:30am.

I was trying to be casual, not think about the vibrations too much, because was I really going to have an orgasm in front of the roomie who I’m banging, with a toy that his friend was using on me?

Why, yes. Yes, I was.

Because after the roomie hit ‘repeat’ on Alejandro, he came to the bed, took off the rest of my clothes, and tied me to the bed post with an iPod cord on my left hand, and a phone charger on my right. I’m not kidding. Then he took my eye mask that I sleep in sometimes and put it over my eyes. And then he took my earplugs and put them in my ears. And then he took the We Vibe and put it inside my vagina. And THEN he pulled out his cock and put it in my mouth.

I’M REALLY NOT KIDDING.

After he was done with all the sucking and all the being inside me with the We Vibe, DC was ready with his DC. And let me tell you, it was a DC. The D of all C’s. And the continuous stimulation with the vibrator and the multiple cocks and the lack of sight (I made them take the ear plugs out because I wanted to at least be able to hear Lady Gaga) and the being tied up with electrical cords made the orgasm be almost the best thing ever if the boys had just lasted a little longer.

I take a while sometimes. At least for the first orgasm. And at least when I’m in a room with two boys that are best friends and I’m completely vulnerable to being taken advantage of because I’m naked and blind and my hands are numb from being tied up.

If you’re not following this right now, I understand. If you’re thinking to yourself, THESE THINGS DON’T HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE SHE’S TOTALLY LYING, then think again. Because I’m not lying, and this did really happen, and let me remind you again that we were STONE COLD SOBER.

Oh, and this was only the first day. All before noon. AND IT WAS A WEDNESDAY.

(and by the way this is all on video camera somewhere and if you see a ghetto version of some white girl getting railed while tied up and We Vibed it’s definitely me. oops!)

To be continued…

Listening to: Ellie Goulding – Under the Sheets (Baby Monster Remix)