If you couldn’t tell, lately I’m a little annoyed. A little… irritated. A little lost, really. Trying to determine the meaning of live, love, relationships, and of course, sex.
Sex to me has maybe meant less to me than it does to other women. Maybe. But, as you know, I have an addiction, just like most of us do. To the sex, that is. The sex that evokes FEEEEEEEELINGS.
Ew.
But you know what? Sometimes? Sex is meaningless. Actual devoid of meaning. It’s pure tongues and sweat and boobs and boners and orgams and nothing else. Nothing else at all. No feelings. No reason. No thought. Probably more thoughts after it happens than before, and definitely more thoughts after than during. And I’m not just talking about the act of penis in vagina, really. I’m talking about the staring into each other’s eyes for probably about half a second before pressing lips and hips together and creating sparks. But not meaningful sparks. Just… meaningLESS sparks? Is that allowed? I mean, we all have a sex drive. For some, it’s more prominent than others. But it exists. And if it doesn’t exist for you then you probably need some serious help in the form of a long naked session with Lady Gaga. Because really, if you’re not feeling anything for someone else, I mean PHYSICALLY FEELING SOMETHING (boner, tingling in the vagina, etc.), then you’re probably not human at all. But, if you’re feeling the sexual attraction without anything else, then you probably ARE human, because humans have these feelings for no apparent reason! This is why people cheat! This is why monogamy rarely exists! Because sometimes, SOMETIMES, you have feelings for someone else in a sexual way that have nothing to do with the feelings you have for yourself or anyone else in your life. Maybe, your desire to rip off their clothes does not mean that you are dissatisfied in your current relationship, or that something is missing, or that you need more adventure in your life. Maybe, all it means is that humans are wired to feel pleasure in different ways, and sometimes that pleasure needs to be explored. Sometimes you just want a fucking CHANGE.
Or, what if you made a mistake? What if your body and animalistic desires just took over for a second? For a few seconds? What are we, fucking super heroes now? We can absolutely control every single aspect of our lives all the time?
MAYBE, the wanting, or even needing someone else’s body actually ENHANCES your love for yourself and your love for someone else, because MAYBE, just maybe, it reminds you why you fell in love with that person in the first place. Maybe it keeps your life interesting to a point where no one understands because we have been taught over and over again that LOVE means being with one person forever and ever, regardless of what your body is telling you, regardless of the times when maybe for one night you want to feel someone else. That love means sacrificing your deepest desires in order to make someone else happy.
Is it wrong? Does sex always mean something? Does it always HAVE to mean something? I get that a lot of people cheat because they aren’t happy. But what if they are? Why is it so unexplainable? And why does sex one night always have to lead to something else the next?
Sometimes, it’s not about THINK. Sometimes, it’s just do, or do not do. Be, or do not be. We’re taught to “do” in every other aspect of our lives, except for the parts that are hurtful to us, like drinking, drugs, mass destruction, etc. Is sex one of the hurtful parts?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I believe in monogamy – to a point. When I get married, I doubt there will be anything in the vows about “I will be faithful forever until we die” because that’s such a HUGE promise. Why not just say, “I will be truthful and honorable to you until the day we die?” I’d much rather my man respect me enough to talk to me about ALL his feelings, rather then stuff them down until they accidentally come out some day.
Sometimes, sex can mean nothing. I’m right there with you sister.
That truthful thing sounds great. People lie all the damn time. I have no patience for that shit. Maybe if things were more socially acceptable, people wouldn’t feel the need to lie. I don’t know. Blah!
You have effectively made me want to go up to a random stranger I find immensely attractive and ask him if I can rip his clothes off. I’m imagining a grocery store scenario…
I APPROVE OF THIS!
Haha! But really, the point I’m trying to make is that it’s not about the actual act, it’s about WHY you’re doing or not doing it. Ya dig?
I wholeheartedly agree. As someone who is currently in the middle of a somewhat sizable “juggling act”, I could not be more aware of how separate emotional feelings and physical feelings can sometimes be. As someone who was also happily in a monogamous relationship for over two years, I can understand the bliss of being in love, but I can completely understand that your physical impulses sometimes are just completely divorced from your feelings.
I wish more women understood this.
Yeah, unfortunately (or fortunately, I’m not sure yet), most people aren’t able to separate it. And most women I know (myself included) often search for meaning in sex even if it’s not there. It’s not even that we WANT there to be something there, it’s just that we feel like there SHOULD be if it happened. I don’t get it. I blame stupid society and the Bible.
Sex definitely does NOT have to have feeling all the time. It’s nice when it does, but it can certainly be fun when it doesn’t. Of course, this is only true if both parties are on the same page which rarely happens.
You are right that humans are naturally wired to be with one person. We are conditioned to be that way.
You mean wired to NOT be with one person right? Because that’s what I was saying. And I think that’s what you’re saying, wired vs. conditioned. Does. Not. Compute.
I really think it differs from person to person. Like, sex always “means something” to me, because I know myself and I know I’ll get emotionally attached to anybody I sleep with. But it’s not like that for everybody. Some people really can just have meaningless sex and not get hurt in the process. I’m just not one of those people.
I suppose it’s just a matter of knowing yourself and your tendencies.
Love. xoxo
EXACTLY. And that’s the most important thing, really. Being able to understand yourself, your needs, and communicating that to your partner, or whoever it is. Everything always comes down to communication it seems. And trust! Rarr. XO!